At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
