Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
