there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
