Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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