Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
