If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
