someone owes me an orgasm
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
