Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
