so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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