It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
