So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
