remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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