the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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