Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
