I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
