i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
