girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
