You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
