Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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