Your mouth is God's brothel.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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