I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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