Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
