you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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