I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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