Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
