I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
