Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
