Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
