Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
