Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
