No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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