Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Panties = found
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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