It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
