He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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