I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
