Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
