My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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