At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
