This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
