last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
