Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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