trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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