he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
how does that bad decision feel?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
