hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
