Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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