i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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