I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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