go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So. Much. Porn.
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