If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
please come you make the beer taste better
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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