I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
