He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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