Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
