i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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