So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
