You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
we're so committed to being not committed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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