He kissed a someone with a penis
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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