so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think I am morally bankrupt
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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