that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
