Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
