last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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