porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
