We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
