a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
