she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
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I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
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I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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