We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
