dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
