Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
