I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
