it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
