It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
