Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
