mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
