btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
